Grudges - Are they really worth it?

Two months ago I wrote an article on famous snobs using a former GMTV presenter as an example, but I forgot to mention actor Erik Estrada who is best known as one half of "CHiPs", the show which launched him to international fame in the Eighties. He has since reinvented himself as a reality contestant, appearing on rubbish shows such as Britain's Worst Driver, but is perhaps best known as the brunt of George Lopez' "F*** that Puto" jokes. Years ago, a young Lopez was star-struck when he learned that his TV idol was shooting an episode of "CHiPs" in his neighbourhood, and longed to shake Estrada's hand; at the time he was regarded as a hero by the Puerto Rican community in the Americas due to his status as one of the few Latinos on Prime Time television. Unfortunately, poor Lopez was snubbed, and this has led to frequent anti-Estrada jibes on Lopez's talk show ("I made it without your handshake, motherf*****... f*** that Puto!"), and uses this to warn fellow celebrities to always respect their fans as they do not know who their fans will be in future. Indeed, Lopez is now a big star, albeit only in the Americas, while former international star Estrada is now... Erik Who?

Apparently Lopez had been eating some greasy fried chicken when he met Estrada, but that was no excuse for the latter's rudeness - if you don't want oily hands, pat his head...or sign an autograph...or both. Better yet, shake his hand and wash yours, but you should never disrespect the people who put you put you where you are. As an individual who was in a similar situation recently, I can see why Lopez is furious, but must he build his whole career on those now dated "F*** that Puto" jokes? He is now famous and successful in his own right, so why not let it go? Yes, after writing that article on rude celebrities, I should be taking my own advice, I know. Until recently I was hanging on to the bad things that had happened to me in the past, and compared to what certain people experience (Wars, earthquakes, famine, etc etc) it was nothing major.

Years ago when I left the United Kingdom to live in Nigeria I was an easy target for bullies due to my height, accent, clothes - and later boobs - and thus began the vicious taunts and bitching. There was a family in the neighbourhood who had a reputation for being overly religious but in reality half of them were snobs and the other half were bullies; one of them actually told the other kids on our way from school not to have anything to do with me. What made everything worse was that the head of that family was a big shot in the company where my father worked, and as a result they were treated like gods. I'm not being horrible, but I know for a fact that the man was a womanizer; he used to hit on one of my cousins, yet his family paraded themselves as angels on the face of this earth, while my only crime was being tall and speaking perfect English, and for that I was treated badly. What a bunch of hypocrites.

Today, years later, I actually feel sorry for them, and it’s not just because some of the children have since passed away. Sometimes bullying is a sign of insecurity, although I'm not sure what triggered those feelings towards me. Even then I was bitter for years; when the news of their death was broken I showed no emotion whatsoever. My mother was furious with me but I didn't care - to me they had all died long before they actually kicked the bucket. And boy, I hated the surviving members so much. Quite rightly, but what are the benefits of holding a grudge? Granted, some people do not deserve to be forgiven (Hitler, Satan...) and yes, even God Himself gets angry, but like George Lopez and me, we sometimes take it too far. By being bitter, we are no better than the people who have caused us harm; if anything we are just the same. And by completely banishing that family for every single aspect from my life and hating them with a passion, I was paving the way for even more hatred toward anyone who I felt had wronged me. Now I've seen sense I can't believe that I lived like that. Why did it take so long? Research has proved that an unforgiving heart could cause certain physical ailments such as blood pressure and anxiety. I should also add that being bitter gave me a hard exterior - people have actually said to me that I look so serious, they are scared to even say hello to me...until they discover that I am actually a big kid at heart. What a shame.

During my finals years in Nigeria just before before returning to the United Kingdom, I read about a man who had been having a secret affair with a female colleague who longed for him to leave his wife and children for her, which he refused, leaving her frustrated and out of spite she revealed the true nature of their relationship to his wife who took the news really badly and promptly left her marital home, taking her two children with her. After countless pleas from extended family members - in Nigeria where polygamy is legal it is sometime considered a disgrace if a woman leaves her husband - she agreed to return to her husband. Unknown to everybody, she was secretly hatching a plan to ruin her cheating husband, who by now was regretting the affair. One morning, while he was ironing, his wife walked up to him and claimed that she hadn't forgiven him; she had only returned for the sake of their children. Her husband simply ignored her and continued his ironing. Little did he know that he would soon be part of an even hotter situation... literally. His wife had secretly struck up a friendship with his half-brother with whom he was engaged in a bitter battle for their late father's estate. He was paid to burn down his rival's house while the family was away on holiday in Abuja. What he didn't know was that they had missed their flight and were forced to return home before catching another flight the next day. Halfway through the journey back home, the man remembered some important documents he had to prepare, and stopped at his office for the night while his family drove home, only to be told that it had been brunt to nothing overnight with his wife and children still indoors. The woman had allowed an unforgiving heart to ruin her life; unfortunately her innocent children had to suffer as well. The half-brother later confessed, but no charges were pressed as both men felt that the battle had raged long enough, and were thus able to put their differences aside. As for the secret girlfriend, she later discovered that she was pregnant and while her now-widowed lover accepted the baby he refused to marry her, despite her pleas - she had contributed to the whole situation in no small way.

It is not always easy to see the good in people who have hurt you - and sometimes we are bitter over petty issues as I was - but we all have to move on and forgive. If you want to make the world a better place, it has to start with you. We shouldn’t always wait for karma to prevail. I'm not going to lie, I still find it hard to let go...a lot. But I'm getting there...

Jemma