Monday 28 February 2011

DK X Factor - Live Show III





First of all, a big thank you to the people of Denmark for being among my most loyal readers - and thank you for the nice things you've been saying about my posts. I would love to visit your country some day, and I really look forward to it. Not only do you have decent taste in music, you all have decent taste in blogs...even if I say so myself!


I am really into this year's DK X Factor, and my favourites are Rasmus, Patricia, and of course, Sarah. The only thing I find disappointing with this year's competition is that while there are some good-looking guys in it, I don't really fancy any of them...shame! Remember Lucas from series two? Yes, he's too young for me, but if anyone can pull off geek chic, it's him; he was cute. There was also Kasper Spring Ehlers of Alien Beat Club who is hot, and last year's winner Thomas Ring has a hotter arse! Sarah from the current series is beautiful; if I were a lesbian, I'd date her. But my biggest DK X Factor crush happens to be series two's Claus Lillelund. As most of you know I hate facial hair (what's the point in having a face if you continuously hide it?), but if he proposed tomorrow I'd happily except him, beard and all, but it looks like he's already been taken. How come all the guys I like are either taken or gay...or both?


This week the contestant sang entirely in Danish, which means that this week the whole show was in Danish - a challenge for me as I am not a Danish speaker, but hey, you know what they say, music is the universal language of the soul; real music has no boundaries, and as the forth judge of DK X Factor, I found that some of the performances were moving, although some performances were better than others. I'm glad that Ercan has gone though - what were they thinking when he was chosen, because seriously the guy was less than mediocre. So long, Ercan! And this week, so long JR!


Babou's song of choice this week was "De Første kærester På Månen", and let me tell you, Sarah and Patricia should really watch out because this young dude is really getting better - in fact, he's beginning to frighten me! His voice sounded soft yet powerful at times; even the audience clapped along despite the fact that he was singing a ballad, and when he hit those powerful notes, he brought the house down! He should stick to this type of singing in future, but then this is the X Factor and he needs to display versatility. All the same, well done Babou - Justin Bieber would be proud!


JR also surprised me this week, and I believe that this is the sort of music they should specialise in - Up-tempo dance...or whatever it's called. I wish there had been dancers in the background during the performance, but that's what I like about DK X Factor - they pay the most attention to music, as opposed to technical back-up (Jedward and Wagner from UK X Factor, take note!) However, the styling is still bad - this week they resembled two nerds trying to be cool in their father's high school outfits. SACK THE STYLIST!



Last week she played the piano; this week it was the harmonica. The beautiful Annalouise has had a slight change of image and looks absolutely stunning. I think she feels more comfortable singing in her mother-tongue, and it showed during her rendition of "Splittet Til Atomer". She has a future in music, but at this stage of the competition I don't think she will win.  Another person who had a slight make-over was Rasmus. Dude, if you ever go back to blond hair, I'll fly over to Denmark and slap you myself; that dark hair made you look really handsome - not that you were ugly before!  Rasmus didn't have the usual accent issues this week when he sang the rock-influenced "Superliga" (don't ask why!), and boy did he rock!  





Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for 'female Jedward' Rikke & Trine - just as they were beginning to get it right, they went back to singing in unison. It's not as if they can't sing, because they can, but they aren't working hard enough.



Before I continue, can I just say that it has long been established that Sarah is gay, and being gay is not the same as being male, and those sex-change comments were uncalled for. She may be only 15, but she deserves a medal for being so mature because she acted with grace; if I was Sarah, I probably would have stormed off the stage in a huff, but she didn't. That guy wouldn't have made those comments on the British version of the show, because trust me he would never have lived it down. Or maybe they do things differently in Denmark; correct me if I'm wrong. The name of the competition is The X Factor, not Spot the Lesbo, so that judge should act his age - not his willy length - and get over it. Sarah is really talented, with the right image to match. Voters seem to love her as well- what more could the producers want?  All homophobes should go to hell, if they have a problem with law-abiding gays singing on their box, they should simply change the channel.


That aside, last week I heard Rasmus sing "...working for penis" as part of the song "Drive My Car". This week, Sarah sang something that sounded very much like "...f***ing star" when she sang Engel" (Isn't it supposed to be a family show?). Sarah played the guitar and the song sounded folksy, which shows how versatile she is. Still one to watch...


Patricia looked like Jessica Rabbitt on the night, and sang even better than the cartoon character; her voice can be best described as quiet power. You go girl!












Finally, Cutfather, you are supposed to lead by example. What are all those contestants going to think if they saw you dressing like that?


Got to go, Farvel!
Jemma


























Monday 21 February 2011

DK X Factor - Live Show II

Hooray! The second live show of DK X Factor has taken place, and a big thank you to all my readers in Denmark!  Last week soul group DeeVibez were the first to leave the contest, which I believe was unfair.  True, they did not give the best performance that night, but some of the other acts were absolute rubbish (I mean you, JR!). 
This week's theme was The Beatles, and some of the contestants did the songs real justice. By the way, I do not own a satellite; I watch it all on Youtube, and because I'm not a Danish speaker, I don't understand what the judges are saying. So I simply watch the shows and act as the fourth judge!


SARAH - This week, in her sharp suit she was a cross between Annie Lennox and P!nk, and she sang so much better than she did last week; if she keeps it up she could win. This is the first time I've seen a woman perform "Come Together", and it was pretty good, with all that attitude to match. Olly Murs and Matt Cardle sang the same song on the British version of the show, but it's hard to tell who sang it better. You decide...

RASMUS - Why was he using a retro microphone if he was going to sing "Drive My Car"? Dude, I love a Scandinavian accent, but in English pop songs it doesn't always work - just ask ABBA! At one point I'm pretty sure I heard you sing "...working for penis". Oh dear. Still, you have the potential to win.

RIKKE & TRINE - For once, the female Jedward of Denmark sang in harmony and even dressed different. However, their rendition of  "Here Comes the Sun" was a tad boring. They do have some talent, but like their Irish counterparts, they are not going to win. GET THEM OUT!






PATRICIA - She sang "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", and her voice sounded a tad different this week. Somehow, I don't think the song suited her; she wasn't as good as she was last week.


BABOU - Despite a few bum notes, the lovechild of Mohammed Ali from series two and Justin Bieber sounded better than he did last week, and I loved his smile. He's becoming more confident (and more popular with the girls!), but his song - "Can't Buy Me Love" sounded like something from the Jackson 5 era; most people wouldn't have recognised it as a Beatles song. Babou is cute, though. Does he have a career away from the X Factor? Time will tell.



ANNALOUISE - This week, the modelesque lady showed off her piano skills as she sang "Golden Slumbers", which I had never heard before. I believe she could have a hit if she released it as a single because she sang it with emotion, and her voice went well with the lyrics. You go, girl!


ERCAN - He listened to my advice from last week and dressed appropriately, but unfortunately his performance of "Something" was lacklustre. By the way, is it just me, or doesn't he remind you of Twem, the 'French Jedward' who participated in the British version of the show in Series seven? I predicted that he would be in the bottom two, and I was right - he was the next contestant to leave the competition.  So long, Ercan!



JR - Their styling improved this week, and so did the singing, but nothing special. They managed to involve the audience when they shouted "Come on everybody!"...nice one, lads. Why was their performance filmed in Black 'n' White, because I'm pretty sure colour had already been invented when "All You Need is Love" was first released...


Finally, I'm glad that this week judge Cutfather changed his wardrobe and dressed like a proper X Factor judge; last week he looked like a mechanic!

Until next week, farvel!
Jemma xx

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Friday 18 February 2011

DK X Factor - Live Show I


Despite being a resident of the United Kingdom, I have become a fan of the X Factor franchise in Europe, and I have to say, those continentals are really talented - they could teach some of our own contestants, especially Wagner from UK X Factor series seven a thing or two when it comes to music! However, it has to be said that this year's DK X Factor is not as good as series two - the series that gave us Linda, Mohammed, and my favourites Alien Beat Club.  Nevertheless, I shall continue to watch the show because there are currently some good singers on it.


BABOU - If Mohammed from series two and Justin Bieber were to father a child together, the result would be this teen singer who performed Bruno Mars's "Just The Way You Are". Still, it has to be said that his voice is nowhere as good as Mo's or Justin's. To me, he's just another teenage wannabe who simply need more work, and should develop outside the competition because I believe that nerves are affecting him.


SARAH - When I learned that she would be singing a P!nk song I wasn't surprised, because she does remind me of P!nk - maybe it's the short hair and no-nonsense attitude. Yet her vocals were a tad weak. She could have done better, and I wondered why the judges were nodding to the beat...I would be stopping my ears with my fingers! Sorry Sarah, but a rockstar you are not.


PATRICIA - When I heard that she would be singing "You're the One That I Want", I said "Uh-oh, here we go...cheese!" But she really surprised me - good arrangement, perfect vocals. I like how she wore a simple dress and made up for it by singing with all her soul. She's a contender for the top prize.


RIKKE & TRINE - Think a slightly more talented female Jedward from UK X Factor series six and you get Rikke & Trine, who do nothing but sing in unison, with some double vision tricks on the side. Are they going to win? No.


ANNELOUISE - Pretty girl, pretty name. I think the song which she sang suited her voice but I would like to see her sing in English. Still, I'm glad that the producers of the show are nurturing 'home-grown songs'.


ERCAN - Dude, if you're going to sing a Justin Timberlake song, at least dress appropriately; wearing a suit and bow-tie for that sort of performance is wrong, you looked like a wedding singer from the 1970's. As for the singing... what singing? To me, you sounded like an Danish mouse that had its air supply cut off. You were rubbish!


RASMUS- He sang one of my favourite songs, "Chasing Cars", and he did really well, I liked his voice. However, he had accent issues. No, I have nothing against Danish accents, but I laughed when he sang the chorus - instead of "If I lay here", he sang "If I lay hee-yah", very creative! But hey, if it worked for Celiné Dion...









JR - They don't look like popstars, the styling was poor, and don't get me started on their voices. GET THEM OUT!


DEEVIBEZ - I had high hopes for these girls, but they failed to impress me with their rendition of Duffy's "Well Well Well". And what was with that horrible Afro wig the girl in the middle was wearing! Chose a better song next time, girls.


And finally, I saw last year's winner Thomas Ring performing his new single "Break the Silence", and I didn't recognise him at first. He looks and sounds like an established singer who has been doing this for years - what a difference one year makes! I present to you Denmark's next greatest next export...you heard it here first!











Take care


Love,
Jemma

Wednesday 16 February 2011

I Love Ginger Hair!



I once told a pretty buxom girl I met at the Guinness factory in Dublin that she had beautiful red hair, and although she did express her gratitude, I could tell that she hated it and I couldn't understand why. With her striking personality and Celtic complexion, her curly flowing mane couldn't have been a better shade, and I tried to convince her that red is beautiful, to no avail. As a black woman who occasionally wears ginger extensions I was envious, and for the rest of my holiday I saw many fiery-haired Dubliners who were obviously proud to be red(one of them attempted to steal my make-up bag at St. Stephen's Green, but I still thought he was beautiful). Would they still have that pride if they lived in ginger-phobic England?

For years redheads have been the target of pointless jokes ("What's the difference between a terrorist and a redhead?" You can negotiate with a terrorist"),  vicious rants in the school playgrounds ("If you hate Ginger Harry clap your hands!"), and stereotyping ("Join the circus, you freak!"). Who can forget the Geordie family that was kicked out of their own neighbourhood for being flamed-haired? I agree with YouTube user Coppercab who rants in his video that people of all colours and creeds are accepted in society (albeit somewhat), while redheaded people are ostracised simply for being redheaded. In today's day and age, ginger jokes can be shared among Blacks, Jews, Arabs, gays, the disabled... yet the Commission for Racial Equality in the United Kingdom do not monitor these cases of discrimination. This is an organisation that is said to encourage equality, but fail to open their eyes to the fact that redheads are discriminated against by 'minorities'. What a bunch of hypocrites.

COPPERCAB "GINGERS HAVE SOULS"





The Welsh proverb  "Os bydd goch, fe fydd gythreulig", means "if he's red haired then he is of the devil... ridiculous. Never mind the pickpocket I encountered in Dublin, some of the nicest people I know have red hair, and even though I'm not one of those nutter spiritualists, I can confirm that they are not Satan's offspring. And yes, they certainly do have souls! I remember when I watched the episode of South Park in which the boys accused their copper-haired schoolmates of being soulless. South Park may have a history of causing controversy, but haven't redheads suffered enough? The creators of that show should bear in mind that what starts as a joke on the box today could remain a playground taunt for years - and yes, ten-year-olds do watch South Park.
As that episode has shown, our bad example of  Gingerism has crossed over to the other side of the Atlantic, which is a shame considering years ago I watched an interview with a famous American entertainer who stated that in America all the redheads are taken, but in England he can have flame-headed girl he wants. That was years ago. Today, as Coppercab shows us, being ginger is bad even in God's Own Country, not to mention Down Under - who can forget the character Jonah in Summer Heights High who came under fire from real-life parents after labelling  gingers as "Rangas" short for Oran-Otang? Granted, there are countries such as France and Italy that worship copper strands, but for how long?  These days people rave about being unique and edgy, which is fine, but if Lady GaGa is allowed to flaunt her weirdness, a trademark that has been imitated by fans worldwide, why is such a rare and wonderful thing as titan locks not, in the very least, accepted?

If all the idiots who bullied redheads were perfect themselves I probably would have understood their jeers and boos, although I don't think that's an excuse. The problem however, is that that no-one is perfect. We all have our imperfections - I know I do...or at least did...oh what the heck, I still do, but who cares? When I was younger I was teased by my peers for being able to look above their heads; that teasing turned into bullying, both in my neighbourhood at at boarding school where the girls would later poke fun at my physique - although I had started boarding school as a skinny girl (and I mean really skinny), my eventual curves soon became the new talking point. One Christmas when I was running across the school yard to catch up with someone, a few of the girls who were standing nearby began to sing loudly "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..." (I was unaware of a certain bounce my speed had created). Towards the end of my Secondary education, some really nasty girls yelled continuous references to the size of my bust, to the amusement of some roadside mechanics outside the school gates (Don't laugh, it's not funny).  Today, I'm 5'11''1/2 with a size 34HH bust - not really big for a girl of my height, but they are so prominent people actually think I've had surgery - and guess what? I'm proud, because fashion models would kill for my height, and glamour models would kill for my boobs!

Remember when Jennifer Lopez brought enormous backsides back into fashion? Prior to that she did not have the shape women were 'supposed' to have in Hollywood, but today loads of women, including the tragic Solange Magnano, pay heaps of money to achieve that 'rear-ly' round appearance. As far as red hair goes, there as several role models out there, including Winston Churchill, Lily Cole, and Rupert Grint, and to all the gingers reading this, do whatever you want to do, because you are beautiful and you are capable. Even if red hair does not become tomorrow's latest fashion, make you beautiful mane work for you. Our imperfections sometimes make us unique.  Better yet, our imperfections make us special. One day all those idiots who treat you like dirt will be old and grey, but at least you'll always be ginger, and they'll be envious.  God gave you that hair for a reason, and I'm not just saying this because I love the colour. If a dark-skinned black person tried bleaching their skin to appear more 'acceptable', they wouldn't be fooling anyone because their true ethnicity would still be obvious, and the same goes for all redheads who dye their hair for the same reason - you might as well stop dying your hair, and be ginger and proud. If anybody makes fun of you, tell them to drop their pants in front of the whole school, and you'll find that at least 40% of them will forever live with the shame that their Fanta pubes secret has finally been exposed...duh! If they start that 'Kick a Ginger' rubbish, use your brain to kick them back, and kick them where it hurts the most - kick their fire crotches! And yes, there are girls out there who love redheaded  guys ...and vice versa. The future's bright. The future's ginger.

Please respond to this article if you liked it - or if you didn't - because I would really love to hear from you all!

Saturday 12 February 2011

Re: Jedward For Eurovision


RTÉ studios, February 11, 2011. Two brothers arrive on stage, sporting shiny red suits (what is it with these lads and the colour red?), and start to 'sing' as the critical Irish public observe, half in amusement, others shaking their heads in disbelief. The vocals are not particularly breath-taking, but as Cheryl Cole once said, there is something intriguing about the Dublin duo (the lads should have named their act Dublin Duo when they  auditioned for the X Factor; the name sounds a tad better). They may not have been the champions of X Factor 2009, but they are definitely winners who continue to win to this day (Joe who?). Yes, alright then, their album sales were not impressive, but at least they are still in the news. And last night they were in the news yet again for all the right reasons.


John & Edward Grimes are representing Ireland in Eurovision 2011, and about time too!  Ireland used to be the country every European nation feared in terms of music (they've won Eurovision seven times), but today times have changed - yes, we have supergroup U2 who continue to sell millions of records worldwide, but as an Irish friend once said to me, "Bono is a p***k", while Jedward are the nicest guys you would ever meet, or so I'm told. They are willing to work hard, and if given a chance they could do Ireland proud. No one knows if they will win, but they could be good for Ireland.
In recent years the Irish public got it completely wrong. Last year they were presented with a decent rock song written by Ronan Keating and sang by British television personality Justin Lee Collins, but for some reason the song was not even shortlisted. Four years ago folk group Dervish made it to the finals at Eurovision, but only just, and when they performed "They Can't Stop the Spring" I couldn't understand what the lead singer was singing; maybe something was wrong with the microphone. Seriously, was that the best song to be shortlisted that year? And who could forget Dustin the Turkey? Granted, his song sounded 'Eurovision enough', but he was a puppet. Louis Walsh, who was a judge during the selection process said that he didn't think the rest of Europe would get it, and for once he was right. Last year, they did send Niamh Kavanagh who failed to carry the trophy despite high hopes, but hey, thank God the Irish didn't send Boyzone member Michael Graham (sorry Mikey, I love you to death, but your song was rubbish!)


As I said the last time I wrote about Jedward, the contest has changed, and the participating nations should change with it. Gone are the days of the Johnny Logan's, the Dana's, and the Niamh Kavanagh's; the contest is now a camp-fest, and who better to represent than the twins? They are young, energetic, good-looking (although Johnny Logan was better-looking!), and have a very European appearance even if they try to sound American. One word of advise if I may: they really need back-up dancers because although Jedward are good performers, dancers make a difference. If they hadn't used all those movers during their tenure on the X Factor, they would have been sent packing in week one (sorry but it's true). They should stick to the red suits, though - red really makes you stand out. Even if - God forbid - they don't win Eurovision, they could be Ireland's biggest export since Guinness. Celiné Dion won it in 1988, and has since become Canada's biggest export since...what exactly?




Good luck Jedward! Win it for Ireland! What do you the readers think? Leave a comment; I'd love to hear from you.


Ice Ice, baby
Jemma

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Jedward For Eurovision




"How do you not smack them? I know all about annoying f****** brothers , but nobody comes close to them. What the f*** is happening to [music]? And what are those things on their heads?" - Liam Gallagher

They charmed their way into our hearts with off-key, long-forgotten cheesy melodies in front of thousands every night in the autumn of 2009. Their highly-gelled fringes were another talking point - was this look chic or cheap?  And who can forget the night they performed "Oops...I Did It Again" where they were clad in red PVC suits, gazing into each others eyes and declaring their undying love for each other, thus prompting gossip that the duo were a gay couple despite being siblings, and twins for that matter (A recent video of one half of the duo dancing to "Single Ladies" in a red catsuit has done nothing to dispel the rumours.)? Their "Oops...!" performance was so cringe worthy the Irish Tourism Board was forced to apologise for any embarrassment caused and offered deals on Irish holidays to the seething British public.




Yet love them or hate them, no one could deny the entertainment value of these posh Irish twins who talk if though they constantly confuse Lucan with Laguna Beach; no one could say that they were not the highlight of The X Factor Series Six. They were never going to win the competition, but we all knew that John and Edward Grimes, who would later be known as Jedward, would be famous long after the show, albeit mostly for being famous as opposed to being talented (let's be honest guys, they can't sing). Unfortunately, due to the excitement generated by by the duo during their tenure on the show, judge/mentor Louis Walsh was determined to find a Jedward clone for the next series, and the closest he got to achieving this goal was choosing Brazilian warbler Wagner, and if you thought that Jedward were annoying, choosing Wagner took not only the biscuit but the whole bakery, judging by his size!


Jedward are annoying and - I hate to say this - not very talented in terms of music (comedian Alan Carr described older brother John as a "naughty little s*** on his show Chatty Man). Yet despite disappointing record sales they have done so much better than past X Factor contestants from the Emerald Isle: Rocker Tabby Callaghan is yet to release his long-awaited album; the voting public still haven't forgiven Phillip Magee for his rendition of  "Johnny B Goode" during Series Two - the last thing we need is another Shakin' Stevens; the cute Eoghan Quigg failed to shift records despite his 'voting face'; The Conway Sisters, while talented and beautiful, were a tad dull, and even Shayne Ward (yes, he's Irish!) has been forgotten despite his performance on The X Factor last year...pity. But Jedward continue to annoy us...and boy do we love it!







The news that John & Edward have been shortlisted to represent Ireland at Eurovision 2011 came to me as no surprise. Granted, their entry "Lipstick" is hardly the best song on the list ( "Falling" is better), but then Ireland had a 'decent' song last year...and still failed to secure decent votes. In the last twenty years Eurovision has ceased to be a serious contest. Gone are the days of Johnny Logan; in its place is a camp fest of bloc voting i.e. Sweden, Norway, Denmark etc, and in the midst of the situation Jedward are the perfect candidates owing to their quintessentially European appearance and, of course, their ADHD performances which are more than appropriate for the show. The Irish public is quick to compare them with Dustin the Turkey; may I remind them that Jedward are actually human while Dustin is a puppet who probably didn't sing live. In addition, Jedward are an annoyingly cute duo who will definitely steal the hearts of girls all over Europe, just as they have already done in Ireland and the United Kingdom.  I should know - I went to the X Factor tour last year, and at least 75% of the girls there - including myself - had come for Jedward, and Jedward alone. John & Edward are also among the nicest people you will ever meet in the fickle world of show-business, and that is a rare thing.


Eurovision 2011 is not Big Brother 2010 - let us not "ignore the obvious" (remember that task?). So what if they cannot sing? Most people in the charts today are talentless and lack the charisma the twins have.  Let them represent Ireland at Eurovision, and if that fails, they should kiss their so-called music career goodbye and become children's television presenters. Ant 'n' Dec were singers after Biker Grove but later became Britain's most lovable Geordies, thanks to shows like SM:TV. Come to think of it, did anyone notice that during the twins first X Factor audition, Let's Get Ready to Rhumble was playing in the background? This could be a sign! Right lads, wrong profession...



Go Jedward, and good luck!